21 year old wizard called Chris. UK. Single. History buff. Books. Master of the Macabre and Nerdy as all hell.

This time last year ..

This time last year, I had graduated university with a 2.1 degree, I had a coterie of close university friends from across the globe, one of whom I was in love with. I had enough money to sustain me, I had enough confidence to stop me falling back into anxiety and depression. What the fuck went wrong?

Today, I have a shitty job that gives me no money, I have just lost contact with the friend I loved and mourn the loss. My confidence is at an all time low from this year.

This time last year I was 21 and had all the reasons to live. This year, im 22 with no reason to go on.

So my mam, my dad and me were all planning to go to York for the day in celebration of my mams and my birthday. Something I’ve been really looking forward to. This morning I get up and start to shine my boots, wanting to look nice and feeling hopeful I might get a half enjoyable birthday this year. So I accidentally spill some polish and don’t notice for a while, and my dad comes in and screams at me to pick it up. I do, but it’s left a mark. So I Hoover and I mop just to try and get it off but it won’t. My dad screams the place down how I’ve ruined the house, how’s there’s now no way he’s coming to York. My mam hears this and doesn’t want to go without him.

So I’ve turned 22 and have been in my room all day with no cards, cake, nothing all because my pathetic man child of a father ruined a nice day out with his temper tantrum.

He does this every year, without fail. It’s got to the point where in the week before I’m depressed. I know it’s going to be shit. I know I’m going to cry because of him. Why does he have to be such an arsehole to me?